When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

It was almost a very long time since I tried things like these - rappelling, river rafting, trekking, or even some fun filled thrilling rides..
Though I did a bit of trekking in the last month at the wonderful Dovedale hills, Derbyshire... I somewhere had this small fear of some jerks due to loose gravel... I was giving excuses that my shoes was not apt and all that...
But I saw how the teenagers and small kids were so joyfully running and so eager and carelessly making their way to the top... at the same time I saw the adults, although they were enjoying the trail, were being cautious - slow and steady making their way up to top hill...Nevertheless I enjoyed the beauty of nature... the wind and all the serenity...

But why are the kids not scared and what has made us feel this, why this level of fear emotion to this extent?? How have we grown into this? 

Yesterday, a similar thing happened...had been the whole day out at this fun rides place called, "Thorpe" park, I was hell excited and they were super impressively scary ... the twists and turns with a mind-blowing velocity, all most all of them testing my nerve... 
my neck almost started to ache by the end of the day, coz of me resisting hard against the force of the air - to avoid my neck break, simply coz of the fact that it fires you off so fast that you get to a staggering ~ 80mph in less than 2 seconds and is very much enough to thrill me!! 
There were some rides where I had my head bang right to left and upside down and what not.. it was amazing, the rides were more than fantastic...

But I had that pinch of fear every time I tried a ride, though it was fascinating and made me do wooooooo and laugh aloud and scream like my throat ripped off... every time I made my entry into those seats before the take off I had the feeling to quit them and get out of there at once... 
Anybody who saw me would make out that I was calculating and preparing myself before I went into the battle field, the war against the velocity,the trajectory motions and the height.. assuming things and telling to myself, ah just one more...

On the contrary, I saw many kids and teens doing it with more fun, zero thinking, no alpha, theta and gamma calculations, they would do the same rides twice - thrice... to just feel the thrilling punch of the air. The kids were just wanting to take the water splash rides and get wet.. they never bothered...where as I was a bit too particular about the splash of water...

While I was in a queue for one of the rides, my thoughts revolved around my past - my childhood and teenage days, I was (and am) so found of all of such thrilling activities, a wanna be daredevil, have always loved the feel of that wicked slip, the thud and the jerk and then all the attempt to maneuvre ... 

When we’re young, our whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, we grow up and learn to be cautious. We could break a bone or a heart. We look before we leap and sometimes we don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch us.
And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

Why have we stopped living for the moment, we must practice to seize every moment and live it to the fullest, you never know if you will have a tomorrow... 
Too much analysis, way too much information, way too much of articulation of all these.. over thinking... everything helps to certain extent, but the ultimatum is, worrying too much never helped anybody... this unconsciously makes us less optimistic.
Just do it to eliminate fear - when you know what you are doing is not a mistake - for the best results and the happier you! " 

By then it was my turn to get in to one of the other splendid rides and I did it with no second thought, raced in to grab a seat buckled up and went shot up in the air with all the wooooooo and the unshackled laughter in the sky again, with the twists and turns and head bangs...

It was an amazing experience and a chance to retune... to find a real me within myself! :) 

Amma's Filter coffee!

Having a not so very good day at office, being terribly irritated, frustrated with heated discussions and arguments, all these still lingering over my head, was travelling back home in a crowded BMTC bus from Domlur, it is about an hours journey home, it was not so good and was a tiering late evening in the city of bangalore... the noise, the traffic, sweaty people on the bus everything added to make my head spin around... This was enough for an oppressive headache... I was on the midway home, shut my eyes to take a small nap.. listened to music on my phone, nothing worked... It was almost the end of journey, got down at my stop, from where I had to walk for about 10 min to reach home, instantly an idea flashed.. probably my brain cells triggered the idea of having a filter coffee - which would fix my depressing headache. 

This kinda proved nice and I immediately rang up home and asked amma to make a very strong cup of coffee..., it was so relaxing to have heard her speak so sweetly with love, without denying she promised me of a nice cup of filter coffee...

No sooner I got back home, removed my shoes, uncaringly dropped my heavy laptop sack on the sofa, made myself comfortable on a cane chair in the living room, amma had jut then finished her evening prayers, there was this devotional song, "Krishna ne beegane baro" song played in a soft volume in the background... I could smell the fragrance of sandlewood agarbatti (incense sticks), what an ambience, I was already feeling better!... or may be I was at home, and I really felt at ease... :)

I kinda heard amma fiddling with the spoon, was expecting the great aroma of the strong coffee decoction... and yes it was! which played the trick and to carried me until the kitchen and was so very happy and contempt to see amma preparing the thick strong coffee... everything was ready the hot decoction, the hot milk, she took a steel glass, poured the milk and hot decoction - there is this specific way of pouring milk, generally the distance from where the milk is poured is made purposely more to generate a foamy appearance - this enhances the taste. She added the right amount of sugar and stirred well, btw making a best tasting coffee - served at an apt temperature is an art! with in no time I grabbed the coffee and sipped in, it was heavens milky thick strong coffee, as the coffee glided into my throat, I felt a great relief, it was just me and the coffee - for that 2min, I was elated... in no time I was feeling so refreshed and relaxed!

Wow, coffe made so well with loads of love, love you amma!!! she was contempt and was happy seeing me enjoy the coffee!

Sigh, I wish I had the privilege of having amma's coffee, here at London, as it was a another - one such tiering day at office, so many issues to resolve, and the clock was ticking, it was already 7 in the evening, with a mild head ache.. no more to say, I really wanted a nice filter coffee - the south Indian style - the one that amma makes...I knew I would never get it anywhere... I had to wait until I reached home to make one...I came home, made the decoction and the coffee and sipped it slowly as the fumes escaped out of my coffee, I knew it was good but not as good as my amma makes it...

3 cheers to you amma! Love you!

And Cheers to the New Year!

Yes, the first month of the year is coming to an end... Its freaking cold and blooming freezing out here...enjoying it, trying to beat it!!! yes, long nights and shorter days... 

For I was so busy with my Project deadlines,hectic schedules and dull weather leaving me with very less time to blog...

with out any more delays let me wish you all a very happie new year :) ... wish you a fantabulous new year - 2013 the year of change... 

wishing a you all a very prosperous and an event full year 2013 :) :)

We did gift ourselves a car, for this new year, "Skoda Fabia" of course not the brand new one! :)

but still love the small beauty! and we did enjoy our first long drive to Brighton!

Still somethings are left unanswered....

All I do is think about YOU... as if YOU are really there as everybody say... 
I speak to YOU every day, when I am successful, when I fail, when I am confused, when I need solutions, when I need clarifications, when I think I am wrong... 
then my thoughts fly by to the fact of YOUR existence.. what YOU do, how YOU execute.. YOUR framework, YOUR protocols...
what about all YOUR creation - if YOU really exist - why so much suffering...
I am clueless... every condition, every scenario - some prove YOU exist and some don't, putting me again in a loop of confusion... 

I don't know if we all belong to YOU or if we are just the lump of chemicals?? or was it just that a set of chemicals combined to aid the evolution of us....
If yes, then I feel there is no justice done, there should be someone to clean out - wipe out the bad - yes nature takes the responsibility doing it - but then who controls nature?
Can I call Nature as YOU? 
The question keeps coming back and forth, while I am lying on my bed, deeply gaze at the ceiling - until I go hell crazy with loads of questions running over my mind, none answered...
though I try to answer it myself with the amount of knowledge.. at the end, I am not satisfied, I still feel it does not have any answer... Is it YOU that we belong to? Or are we just the chemical combination just like any other...

I fall asleep - with this avalanche breakdown... but still my questions remain unanswered...

It's not the end of the World!!!

I was standing there in a very very vast open space I could see the sky spanning so wide... the coconut trees were standing tall and still... it was a very old Hindu temple...it had white stone flooring and pillars..,each Gods and Goddesses had their own Gopuras(Tower - a place where Deity's idol is placed, prayed and worshipped) and I was standing very close to Lord Ganesha's gopura, it seems like I was waiting for somebody.. then within no time, my grandfather came and few other men following him holding a mummy's coffin... they all assembled at the centre of the temple, and they kept speaking something.. it was really not very clear, but I got to know that there was a big catastrophe to occur in few mins, and that's the reason everybody are here... I immediately started chanting God's name and thought that we all will be fine as we were in a temple's premises and nothing can beat God... 

I was still standing there...With in no time, I heard a roaring sound, I could not find out from were this sound was coming from, the roaring repeated...I looked up...OMG! It was terrific, I was scared to hell!!! I saw sky uncurling itself layer after layer .. as if there were several layers of cloud and sky opening up to show us something which was waiting for us!... I felt a disastrous thing is gonna happen... I screamed at my grandpa and started running , I knew there was a old stone gong at this temple - yes a stone gong, it was known that this gong was very auspicious and would definitely save our lives.. Don't ask me how...:( I don't know either...no sooner I went and stood beside it.. the sky started showering huge rocky boulders, as if a machine gun spitting out all the bullets... I was standing there with a 50% belief that I would not be hurt ...the boulders came on one after the other randomly hitting anybody... One came directly and hit the gong just an inch away from me shattering the gong into million pieces... I started loosing hope, people began running for their lives, it was a complete chaos and mess.. I started running too...

 I lost the belief that I would be saved...for once I ran outside the temple.. and the boulder rains stopped, with in a split second.. sky rained fire!!! yes high voltage spark showers began churning up everything, people, trees .. what not? .. I knew I would never be saved...for any moment I would have been gobbled up...I was still trying to escape from the fire rain... suddenly this thought a raised in me... "why am I running?, what is the point??... I am anyway going to die...if I have to"... I slowed down a bit...I was still alive, could see the play of fire destroying everything... another thought acquired me, "I haven't done any grave mistake.. I have been true to myself... and to my conscience, why should I run, if I have to die, let me..., let me face it", by then I had completely stopped running... I was standing still as If waiting for my turn... but no not even a single spark fell on me... it went on churning up the entire world.. but I was not hurt nor burnt!!! I don't know how... I was not excited but kept waiting - for once I wanted to face it! nothing really happened...I was there standing still...


As I heard everybody taking about 21-12-2012 - the world's gonna end... 
I suddenly remembered this deadly dream I had a few months ago in the beginning of 2012... It was truly an enchanting thriller, with genuine moments of tension... I know the dream was more thrilling than the above "dream to text" converted version.. wish I could have shared the whole dream as a video ;)
btw I had not watched any movie nor any scenes nor had thought any close to "21-12-12" - on the day I had this dream... Brain is the most fascinating thing!... when I got up and analysed it, I thought those boulders could have been meteorites.. or asteroids... but I wonder why it did not occur to me in the dream...

Anyway, I believe 21-12-12 is just the end of the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar, not the End of the world! :)
so sit back and enjoy the jolly ride!

One interesting day...

It was summer, and that one night I never got a peaceful sleep.. I was scared - not to death though, but was worried as what would happen... slowly recalled the event which snatched my sleep...
for this one time my sixth sense and my gut feeling tricked me, I was never let down like this ever before...

It was in the late evening the last period of the day, "History and Civics" class handled by Mr.S...
it was close of play and it was the attendance time, before I tell you more, let me bring some light on how high school teachers try to retain students in the class in the name of attendance, they take this attendance only at the end of the class, so that the one who bunks the class "in between" actually looses attendance..yes you heard it right.. there were a few who used to jump away from the class when the prof turns to the black board to chalk out something...

So this was one such class, where it was about 4:45 - 4:50 in the evening... and our prof started taking the attendance after the class, though technically the class would end at 5...
I did answer my attendance... and there were another 20-25 names left for him to complete... I was sure I would get late to the Math Mock test... for the reason I had to take the BMTC bus from Southend circle, Bangalore to J.P.Nagar - 2nd phase, Bangalore ( my home then).. the buses at the peak hours are horrible and the most horrid thing is the buses would not stop if its over crowded...

All this was running over my mind, from the time our prof started the attendance....me being seated in the 3rd bench and the prof seated on the 6th bench and facing the backwards ( facing opposite to the black board) ... and this ideal situation triggered me the plan of escaping out of the class and reach home early to make it to the mock test... my gut feeling was strong and I thought this was easily possible. 

I had packed my bag and was waiting for the right time to execute my plan... as my name was called, I answered my attendance, within another 3-4 names being called for, I held my bag tight, without a second thought in a split second I just escaped out of the class... made my way through the sound proof auditorium which was adjacent to our classroom - which lead to the exit of the school building...

Was really happy that everything went well as planned... I did reach home on time and did pretty well in the mock test.. but later there was a small doubt, as what could have happened after I left the classroom... in no time I reached home, my mom said I had got a call from one of my classmate... a little worried me without thinking much decided to call her to know what it was, and that was the most threatening thing I ever heard... this was what happened, after I swooshed away from the classroom, the prof got to know as he turned to see me running out of the classroom.. and he came running outside and yelled at me to come back.. but because of the sound proof auditorium's doors and walls, I could not even hear a bit... and then he lost his temper and decided to mark me absent for 10 consecutive days for all his classes...and this would actually cause me problem to take up the board exams... but the trouble was he did not know my name and hence my roll number... to solve this problem of his, he threatened the girls in the classroom to disclose my name else he would some how get to know my name and also the girl's names who are after and before me in the attendance register and mark them absent too for 10 days... It seems there was a pin drop silence after he said this...

After a while a girl who was scared of his act decided to disclose my name and safe guard herself... and she did it.. and I was marked absent for 10 days...

This whole episode never let me have my dinner peacefully nor concentrate on my fav cartoon show, "The Popeye Show" and while I slept restlessly...finally a thought occurred to me, an action step for the next day to bed down the dust...
Satisfied with the solution, did manage to get some good sleep...

The next day morning I wanted to reach school early and I did reach there 30 min before the prayer... no sooner I entered my classroom everybody started making sounds at me, I knew the reason, so never got excited, I wanted to keep low, so placed my bag.. quickly made my way to this prof's staff room... and luckily he was in, looking at some papers probably reading a news paper or something... I went and narrated him that I was the one who did such an act the previous day and the reason behind it... I apologized to him saying that I should not have done it but it was not for some lame reason anyway ,finally convinced him to give back my attendance and so the problem was solved...

And guess what the girl who disclosed my name was really scared to face me... and she never had a face to talk to me, and the whole class got to know about this and started calling me "Lady Don" - what?? yes :) can't help... and many other names followed it after my various such daring acts at school.... 

This was one such  day ... an interesting day at school.... :)which I'd love to cherish forever!

Thames Pathway

"All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking..."
- Friedrich Nietzsche 

Yes it definitely is, for some reason from my childhood I always loved walking... I think it was my grandpa who inculcated that habit in me
I have learnt so many things discussed so many things while I have walked a million miles with my grandpa...

And now that even DH loves walking, its kind of an added advantage for me to walk to wherever and whenever possible... Talk every possible thing under the sky... discuss, argue, debate and eventually fight... and return home with a zipped mouth.

Of all the places and the routes, we both love to walk along the "Thames path" in London, near the Tower bridge, walk along the River Thames running on one of our sides... This path covers almost 50-60% of our office route.. so we walk along this path in the mornings provided we really do a marathon in getting ready ;) and also when we really need a break and a relaxing evening...see the lights and their reflection on the Thames, the majestic Tower Bridge, the people, the crowded pubs... all together to experience a painfully beautiful winter (of course during winter)

Early morning walk is the best one, we reach this pathway in no time...about 15min from my place, the path which leads to this Thames path itself is so very enchanting, the houses around are so beautiful, each and every house has a lovely garden with beautiful and colourful flowers... and on to the other side there is this sparkling River running...calmly and silently...from where you could see the gigantic Tower Bridge and couple of other huge, tall buildings, and there is a path way where most of the bollywood movies are shot, the pathway looks very antique and is basically a stone pavement, which gives the glam and is surrounded by the old British to modern high class pubs...and a few steps more and there it is the class in itself.. artistic the mighty Tower Bridge... I just cant get enough of it, the very sight Tower Bridge on River Thames... I can just keep staring at it.. lost somewhere...its a pleasant feeling to be there...

I see the commercial window cleaners cleaning the tall building's window panes,I have always wondered, what a technology - they invest on a big architecture buildings and then they invent machines and create jobs to clean them... well there is nothing wrong... there is no end to man's invention and thinking! 

Passing through different kinds of people some in black suits, some jogging and some ladies in the pencil tip heels walking merrily ... further as I walk along I see this huge ship, I always used to wonder about it, what it does standing there... on the Thames attracting so many people, until I got to know that it was Britain's naval heritage ( which is associated with world wars)

As I move along to reach the London Bridge, I smell the hot air coming out of a cellar, then I realize its the fitness first - for which I have been subscribed for a year but hardly use it :( having the guilt I walk past to see on my right people walking on the London Bridge - they all look like black ants walking one behind the other busily making their way out... and also the St Paul's tomb... as I climb the stairs to actually connect to London Bridge, that ends my walk on the Thames path... and then I get out of the lovely morning walking mood, hurriedly walk - almost jog ;) to make it to work on time!