Learn to Say NO!

It was a long time since I had a break from office, so thought why not attend a soft skill program :)

to break the monotony! and i just bottled out and enrolled myself for a training on "Assertive skills".

The program was in South Bangalore, in one of the IBM locations... the training was scheduled from9:00am to 6:00pm (initially one would feel... wat a day to sleep :) but then it was one of the best programs I have attended.

As usual I was late to the session by 20mins.. due to the traffic, choking the roads in Bangalore.

After 3-4 mins I could figure out in which meeting hall the program was happening, Knocked the door, slightly opened it to peep in my facilitator for the day... He immediately sprang up the seat! and said, "welcome young Lady... Good mng", I smiled and wished him back and occupied a seat in the front row... I must say, the facilitator was so charismatic in his voice and Body Language... His style was unmatchable, though he was in his fifties... he had the charm and his tone gave us an assurance that we would not feel bored or go to sleep during the entire stretch! (which made me happy :)

The class began... all of us had a gud time enacting few role plays! I learnt a lot during the

session... there were experiences shared by different ppl out there, one said how his TL harassed him, because he was a fresher he could not say a word back...(poor guy I thought) and the other said, talking back or denying to accept extra loads @ work was a signal of escapism. This reminded me of my experience with my new manager, where she wanted me to work on a weekend! Rather than accepting it straight away.. I said about my commitment for the weekend. It was an intent to show her that in spite of me having my personal stuff, I would come to office... and it was a clear cut signal that, boss u cant take me for granted!

And the discussions went on and forth... with various examples and advantages of being Assertive, be it the personal life/relationships or Professional life/relationships.

There are ppl of three kinds, some - Passive, some - aggressive... Let me tell u something, before saying about ppl who are Assertive.

Ppl can either be Passive or Aggressive by nature, its only either of these two comes by birth. Some are passive because their parents would have passed it on to them and so is the same wid aggressive ppl... But wat makes ppl Assertive is thru Learning! There could be various reasons for a person to be passive, It could be passed on from their parents or could be self developed, due to lack of freedom, lack of confidence, basically ignorant of things, lack of knowledge or it could be even that they foresee some risk in voicing out their opinion! (By voicing out this thought as well, would remove the fear out of u)

Drawback of being Passive: U would loose the battle! U may never be able to do justice to ur values, ur principles, because u always allow others to override... U would start feeling the guilt that u r not getting what u want! U get scared the next time u try to voice out... if u can overcome well n good!

But why do u wann someone else hurt ur beliefs! Ur Aspirations cant be washed out... who would ever like to live dat way!?! Wen u r not allowed to be the way u wanna be!

Drawback of being Aggressive: certainly, if things go beyond threshold even the Passive ones would erupt out and become aggressive... and being aggressive is no good either! U would just end up loosing ur cool and breaking of the relationships! and u would carry that pain forever in hearts! which is not the way we really want our lives to be!

when there are crucial conversations between ppl, stakes are high, emotions run strong! because options vary...People generally choose to at least try to handle this sort of situation as well as they

possibly can. Most times, however, they don't do very well at all, for several reasons.

Physiologically, humans are designed to handle stressful situations with fists and

feet (and the related hormones and physical reactions), not intelligence and

attentiveness. " Most often these sorts of situations come up spontaneously and out

of nowhere, and many people cannot come up with more than a knee-jerk response

to them."

Being aggressive to ppl's reaction on the other side, makes u loose d battle! because u wd not even bother to care for other's feelings, this gives a notion to ur opponent that u dont have consideration, n its very natural for them to deny u! because u have hurt their ego n beliefs... here again there is no win-win situation. U wd rather hurt urself n the other person...

But being Assertive creates a wonderful situation to u, as well for others! u would openly n honestly stand n say "NO" I cant be doing that or I cant be accepting that because it hurts my beliefs, principles and the very me! U dont bash my boundary n I dont invade urs!

Then ppl get the signal from u that they cant be bulling over u! n u get wat u want at the end of the day! Be urself... and dont carry the guilt thru out ur life of not living the life the way u wanted!

This actually creates a win-win situation, where u would not loose anything/anyone but u would win them as well get wat u want! U have the right of freedom! U have the right to make ur own choices in Life and no one..."No One" should be questioning n they should not! but Accept the way U are... U respect other's principles and they respect urs! and wen they cross the guard lines, plz say them... U cant be accepting for all they say!

And the result of this is: U would live a HAPPY n a HEALTHY life! :)

Happy Time ahd!!!